Ode to a Crazy

Gather 'round, children, and I will tell you a tale,
 of a mama so scary, you'll tremble and wail.
It started the day she got her BFP--
"It's positive!? Are you kidding me!?"
Hormones upon hormones,
Pounds upon pounds,
A once sexy lady.
Grew stretchmarked and round.

The yelling and crying woke the whole neighbourhood,
and her husband said "This baby better be good!"
He ran to and fro,
And his quests for the grail,
Led him only to find
chicken sold by the pail.
The ice cream mix-in combos would make people sick,
but it wasn't for people. It was for Deranged Chick.

She grew and she grew til they feared she would pop,
Then a week past her due date, the doctor cried "STOP!"
"Time to give her the drugs!"
And the Crazy concurred,
but a whole lot more scary was about to occur.

There was pushing and screaming and ganshing of teeth,
The doctors and nurses all wanted to flee.
Then just three hours later (which was scarily fast),
a baby was born and they all sighed "at last."

But they didn't know,
the horrors had just begun.
She'd be a raving insomniac til he turned one.
Then a whirwind of crazy until he was two,
and a tidal of tears on the first day of school.

She became truly scary,
this woman turned mother.
But scariest of all?
She thinks her son needs a brother.
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