The Bachelor: Sarcastic Comments from the Hubbs

My husband is wonderfully sarcastic and has me in stitches throughout ever Bachelor episode. Here are some of the highlights:

In response to Jake telling Tinley, who finally got one on one date, "You've been really patient,":

"And by that he means she didn't try to force him to kiss her like that other girl."


In response to the age of the "contestants":

"Why are they all 23? Isn't that a little young to be so desperate?"

In response to Vienna saying, "Ali's not gonna break up Jake and I.":

"Maybe that's because you're not together?"

<-------Vienna

<-------Ali

In response to Jake saying, "The woman I marry will be the last woman I look at":

"Are you planning on blinding yourself? How are you going to fly a plane with your eyes closed?"

When Tinley said, "I could let go. . .of my heart. . .and just let it. . .fall. . .in love. . .with Jake":

We looked at each other and just burst into laughter.

When Jake described a two on one date as "almost awkward":

"Really? It's almost awkward? It's almost as though you weren't meant to be dating 5 women at once. . ."

<---the two girls on the date that was "almost awkward"

When Corrie the virgin got sent home immediately after telling him she was saving herself for marriage, and then Jake explained his decision by saying "Something's missing":

"Is it sex?"

Then elaborated by saying "I'm afraid she wasn't going to be able to open up completely":

"You dumped the virgin because you're afraid she might not be able to 'open up'? As far as euphemisms go, that one doesn't leave much to the imagination."

Poor Corrie.

...And those are the comments I have to put up with while indulging in wonderfully trashy tv. Tune in next week for more!

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My guilty pleasure: The Bachelor

I'm not going to lie or apologize. I love that show. I used to experience shame because of it, but I'm over that. Yes, its ridiculous. No, nobody (with the glaring exception of Trista and Ryan) ever actually stays together. But it's dramatic and funny and it gives me a chance to vicariously experience dates that I will likely never go on in my life (ziplining in Hawaii? Helicopter rides over France? I am not a Rockerfeller). And aside from all that stuff, it is not nice to talk about people that you know in real life behind their backs. But you can totally do it when you're watching people on a reality show because, let's face it, what do they expect? I can make fun of them all I want, and that is probably the number one reason why I watch the Bachelor--even though after Brad rejected both Jenni and DeAnna, I swore I'd never watch that show again. And then when Jason picked Melissa, and then dumped her for Molly, I vowed the same thing. And hell, I'll probably end up pissed at the end of this season and say the same thing again. But you'll know not to take me seriously. Because the show is just too entertaining and addictive to give up. I spend my days inside an 800 square foot box, I got to get my thrills where I can, you know?

One of the best parts of watching The Bachelor are my husband's sarcastic comments throughout the episode. He says that its the only way he can make it through the show, though this season he admits that he actually likes Jake for sending home the airheads and putting crazy Michelle in a cab for repeatedly saying she wanted to go home, just so he'd beg her to stay.

Here are a few of my favourites from The Hubb's repertoire of hilarious comments. We'll call this Hubby Words of Wisdom, The Bachelor Edition:

When asked if he thought Vienna was attractive (trick question, haha):
Vienna looks like a Zombie. A Zombie with $40,000 teeth. Do you think the other girls don't like her because they're racist towards the undead? Is that racism?

In reference to Michelle, who got sent home last week for demanding to kiss Jake and then getting upset because she'd known him for TWO WHOLE WEEKS and the kiss wasn't long enough:

You'd think that by now they'd have reached the end of the supply of attractive women who are crazy.

In reference to the fact that Jake is so afraid of heights that he was CRYING when he had to go bungee jumping on his date with Vienna (though that could have also been due to his fear of toothy zombies):

"Isn't  he a PILOT!? Would you want the guy who's flying your plane to be up in the cockpit clutching the hand of the stewardess and bawling like a little girl?"

Stop by next week for more sarcastic comments from my husband!

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Hubby Words of Wisdom # 5

"Remember when you were still a fetus, Baboo?"

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Hubby Words of Wisdom #3

The other day my husband was trying to decide which video gaming system to get. Yes, we're financially challenged, but he'd found a way around it. He was going to trade in his Playstation 2 and all accompanying games for a newer model. I was fine with that, as long as he promised to never get the idea of doing the same with me. He can be as flighty as he wants, as long as he limits his infidelities and wandering eye to the realm of electronics. Anyway, he was agonizing over the decision of whether to get a Play Station 3, and Xbox 360 or a Nintendo Wii, and even had me Poll my ladies on The Bump who in turn asked their husbands (or DH, which means "Dear Husband" in bump speak) what they thought he should get. Somewhere amidts the agonizing he turned to me and said "I imagine that this is what Sophie's Choice must be like."

Yep. That's the man I married.

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