Christmas Prep

So, I realize my last post was a little bit lacking. I was having a bad day. Big fight with The Hubbs = Sad. Things have been very stressful for him lately. He's been having a really hard time concentrating and its starting to affect his schoolwork. Everything he does in school counts for so much, so I understand why he's been stressed and not quite himself. However, it is definitely taking a toll on me when it seems that every little setback, whether its the power going out in our bedroom, someone cutting him off in traffic, or an inability to find something that he wants at the store leads to a major, hair-pulling, expletive using breakdown. If men can have post-partum depression (and I hear that they can), then I wouldn't be surprised if that's what this is. He is just not himself. I miss the man I married :(

What's worse, he went to the doctor a few weeks ago to ask for medication, and she didn't prescribe anything for him. She said its normal for him to feel this way and he should work through it using natural remedies. I know that meds aren't always the answer, but it took a lot for my husband to go down there and admit that he needed help, and I feel very frustrated that she doesn't seem willing to realize that and help him. Now I don't know if he will be willing to go back. I'm afraid that he will feel like he's begging. I just want him to be the happy, positive person that he was when we met.

In other news, we are just about done our Christmas shopping--yay! We have only to pick up a couple gift cards to mail out with the Christmas photo cards we had printed from Shutterfly, and then we'll be done, done, done. I'm excited, to say the least, because the malls and stores have been absolute mad-houses the past couple of weeks. I feel bad for people who wait til the last minute--I cannot handle those crowds! I am in awe of people who can!

Our tree is up, our nativity scene is out, and our freezer is packed with many of the ingredients that I'll need for our Christmas meal.

The only other Christmas prep I have left to do includes wrapping the mountains of toys I could not resist getting for our Baboo on his first Christmas, and the making of candy and baking of cookies. I'm making gingerbread cookies and sugar cookies, as well as chocolate covered pretzels, which I'm told are super easy.

Then after Christmas I have a couple weeks where The Hubbs will be off school and taking most of the responsibility of taking care of Boo, so that I can go full steam ahead on my schoolwork. I'm a little nervous about my abilities, but I'm hoping that it all comes back to me and I can just go, go, go.

I have made progress on several of my goals on my 101 in 1001 list, but I will save that update for another post. I'm going to go spend some time with my adorable boys.

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First Date: Take Two

I blogged here about how on our anniversary, we were supposed to go on a date, and then it kinda fell through because we had no one reliable and safe to watch Our Sweet Baboo. Well, last week our date night finally happened, and the fact that it has taken me this long to write about it should tell you something lol.

Our far too ambitious plan was "alone time", then lunch at The Keg, then a movie. Only by the time my mom came to pick up our son (my grandma was baby-sitting with her, so we didn't have to worry), we were starving.  We decided to change things around. First lunch, then alone time, then movie. We would go to lunch around the corner from our house, then swing home, and then see Where The Wild Things Are in my mom's neighbourhood so as soon as it was over we could go collect Baboo. But when we got to the Keg (all dressed up, freshly showered, miraculously shaven and wearing cologne/perfume), they were closed. CLOSED! Apparently they are only open after 5 pm? Who can afford not to cater to the lunch crowd in this economy!?

So we needed some time to figure out what to do, and decided that we'd use that time to get some Christmas shopping done. So we went to a nearby store and persued our options, while looking for Christmas PJs for Baboo, which we didn't find, by the way. We did however find a Baby's First Christmas ornament and a nativity scene. . .and I picked up a pamphlet on breakfast with Santa, which we'll be taking our son to instead of an overcrowded, swine-fluey mall to get his Santa pictures taken. But I digress. (Which is kind of an indication of how our date went.)

So, we decided we'd try The Keg over in my mom's neighbourhood, then go to the movie, then we'd pick up Our Baboo, put him to sleep and then have alone time over a bottle of champagne. (Canadian champagne--we are not Rockerfellers). Only The Keg by my mom's house wasn't open either. Sigh. So we wound up at--wait for it--Applebees. Nice, huh? We did however each get an appetizer, an entree and a dessert for $14, so it wasn't a total loss, right? Right???

We enjoyed lunch, though halfway through I did need to make a rule that we wouldn't talk about the baby anymore. Or how much we missed him. And that rule went into effect right after I called my mom to make sure he was okay.

Then we went to the movie theatre, all set to see Where The Wild Things Are (hot, I know). But it wasn't showing until 6:40, and Baboo gets really cranky and needs to be physically attached to me from the hours of 5:30 pm on. Nothing remotely interesting was playing any time soon, so we decided to hang out at the mall instead. Like teenagers. And I don't think I need to tell you that we spent a large chunk of that time in Mastermind Toys, looking for Christmas presents for our Baboo. Then we nipped into the Dollar store, where I picked up some table cloths to use as photography backdrops for when I photograph Baboo.  .  .I think you see where this is going. We spent the entire day talking about/shopping for our baby, who we missed, and who might as well have come with us since we wound up at Applebees and didn't see a movie.

(Backdrop in Effect!)

We went to pick him up, and my father was holding him, which really upset me. I have no idea why he's always hanging around the house when they're supposed to be separated? My mom gave Baboo to him to hold because she said he was shrieking and she couldn't walk him around anymore because of her back, and neither could my grandma because, well, she's 82. My mom was upstairs lying on her massage bed when we got there because her back was killing her, so my father was essentially left alone with my son, which is a huge no-no. Had I known he would be there, we probably would have cancelled the whole thing.

Then we came home, and Baboo was super clingy because he'd just been away from us for 6 hours, which is the longest amount of time I've been separated from him in his life. So our alone time didn't happen. Plus, he cried the whole way home and we didn't have the heart to stop for champagne when he was upset.


So here is what I have concluded:

1) We are happier doing things as a family.
2) We aren't going on any more dates until we can find a baby-sitter who is in good health and can be trusted.
3) When we do leave him, we are going to be back by The Witching Hour because I hate the idea of him screaming and me not being there. Especially since all I have to do to get him to stop is hold him. No one else can do that.

Sigh.
So our next big goal is to find a baby-sitter.
And get them to ban smoking in condos/apartments/etc.
And finish my schoolwork/write my exam.
And make mom friends.
Progress reports on all of the above to follow.

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Bed, Bath and Beyond

My son is seven weeks old today, and we decided last night that its time to start a bedtime routine for him. He's been sleeping in our bed most of the time since we had him, since its the best way for all of us to actually get some sleep, but sad to say thus far his "bedtime routine" has consisted of falling asleep tucked in beside him mom while Hubby and I watch a DVD. Disgraceful, I know.

Anyway, in honour of trying to reclaim some semblance of normalcy, Hubby and I have been having Baboo start out in his own bassinet at the start of the night so we can still have some time to ourselves to cuddle, and then when he wakes up to eat for the first time he comes to sleep with me and I move to the foot of the bed. I know, it's weird, but safe bedsharing guidelines dictate that he not be anywhere near any furniture he could get wedged in between, and I'll be damned if I'm getting rid of my antique night tables. So baboo and I sleep at the foot of the bed for the rest of the night. It's actually the best of both worlds. I get my time in with my husband, and sweet snuggles from my son.

I never understood bedsharing until I actually had a baby of my own. I just thought the parents were weak and couldn't say no to their child, but now I understand that it's actually totally wonderful and natural to have your baby beside you at night. Seems natural to me, anyway. And that way I can feed him without either of us having to wake up fully. Plus, I'm neurotic, and instead of having to sit up in bed and strain to check on him all night to make sure he's okay, I just have to open my eyes to know that he's fine.

Anyway, this turned into a testimonial on bedsharing, which it wasn't meant to be. I was going to talk about our new bedtime routine.

First our Sweet Baboo and I take a bath (I wear a bathing suit, apparently I'm shy), then we put on the Beatles' lullaby CD and do infant massage, then I swaddle him and offer him some milk, which he will always take because he's always hungry. After he eats I rock him to sleep and recite Good Night Moon, then stick his pacifier in his mouth if he'll take it (he won't always) and then put him in his bassinet. He's sleeping peacefully as I type, which is kind of a surprise. Last night his pacifier kept falling out of his mouth and he kept waking up and fussing til I put it back in. I'm surprised his eyes didn't pop open as soon as I put him down. Must be the full moon.

It's such a romantic night out there, but unfortunately I still have not been cleared by my doctor for sex. I'd ask the hubby to sit on the balcony with me and have a glass of wine, but we just moved and our patio furniture is still in my parents' basement.

So instead I'll sweep the house, which is ripe with dust bunnies while my adorable but goofy husband laughs uproariously at a Seinfeld episode we borrowed from the library. Yep, the full moon had inspired some WILD behaviour in this household.

The pictures in tonight's blog post are of our bath, my sweetie sleeping adorably in his bassinet, and the full moon as I see it from our balcony. Enjoy.

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My love affair with a breast pump

Yesterday was my third wedding anniversary, our first with a child. The most action I got was from a breast pump.

We planned on going to dinner and a movie. Nothing spectacular, but more than we've done in awhile, since we have a six-week-old and are student working poor.

My mother was going to baby-sit. I was going to shower and put on make-up. My hubby was going to shave and change out of the spit-up covered jeans he'd been wearing for three days. It was to be a momentous occasion indeed. We'd miss the baby, but a movie about marginalized aliens on earth would take our mind off it and bring back that lovin' feeling.

Then my mother had a nervous break-down.
It was a couple of weeks ago. She and my father had just had the most stressful move in the history of the world. The money almost didn't come through for the down payment, he was working round the clock and not around to help her with any of the logistics, they almost lost the house twice and the one they were living in was promised to someone else. It was literally the day before they were about the be homeless that the money came through.

Then there was the matter of my husband and I, who'd been living in the basement apartment of their house since before our Sweet Baboo was born, finally moving out and getting an apartment of our own. It is great for us to be out of there. When we got married we lived across the country from my parents, and everything was at a nice comfortable distance. While I missed my mom, I was overjoyed to be nowhere near her husband (my father) and could take or leave my sister. But my husband and I had terrible luck, and after struggling for a couple years we decided to take my parents' offer of their basement and try to get back on track. That definitely didn't go as planned, but that's a story for another day. What I was getting at is that hubby and I taking our baby and moving two towns over (all the towns here pretty much sprawl together, so its not as bad as it sounds) took a toll on her too. I don't know that she missed hubby or I, but she definitely missed Baboo.

Then's the issue of her chronic illness, which keeps her from getting a decent sleep and has her in constant pain throughout the day. And her troubled joke of a relationship with my father, that probably should have been over before it began. (True story, also for another day.) All of these stressors plus her history of depression and she wound up in the hospital. In another post I'll tell you all about that scary night when she went into full-on diagnosed psychosis, but for now I will selfishly focus on how it affected our anniversary.

My mom is much better. She was in the hospital for four or five scary days, then made a dramatic recovery and was released. She is functioning normally now, chatting non-stop like her old self, driving herself to appointments and events, and showering her first grandbaby with love. But I am just not comfortable leaving him alone with her yet. What if there was a relapse and it happened again? I shudder to think about what might happen to my sweet, sweet son, and no movie and overpriced but oh-so-delicious steak from The Keg is worth the risk.

Sad to say, I don't know when we'll be comfortable leaving him alone with her again. It could happen any time. . .Of course, we can't tell her that's why. It would crush her, and I won't be responsible for breaking a grandma's heart. I did ask my sister if she would be there the next time my mom baby-sits. I told her it was because I didn't want to tire her out, I didn't want to play the nervous break-down card. She said she will. She's going to check her work schedule (she just got back from Europe and today's her first day back at work), and let me know when she can "help" my mom baby-sit so that hubby and I can take a rain check on the movie. I don't know when or why life became so complicated, but I'm glad my sister is there to help us, and I'm glad she was there to call and tell us what was going on the night my mom wound up in the hospital.

This is why I want my son to have a sibling. My hubby is so not on board--but that's a story for another day.

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