I've become one of THOSE parents

>> Wednesday, April 14, 2010

. . .One of those mothers who will advise their child to "Do as I say, not as I do." It's unfortunate. And I feel bad about it. But if my Sweet Baboo decides that he wants to get married and have children before he's done college, I don't know that I'm going to be able to hold my tongue.

Of course I will support him. Of course I will allow him to make his own choices. But I will definitely, definitely tell him how hard it is. I will tell him how his own mother took SEVEN YEARS to get a Bachelors degree because she got married and had responsibilities and could only take a couple of classes a year instead of a full course load.

I will tell him about how his parents hadn't planned on having a child before they were done school, but that these things happen, and how difficult it was to try to write a paper with a baby clinging to my leg and fussing to be picked up and relentlessly reaching for the keyboard and mouse until the entire 6th paragraph of my paper looked like this:

ASNILASHIOLSAHIOASBjkbjkadflanhhhhhhhhhhhhh ;////////////////////sdfgfgfgfgfgfgfgkjdarhflikhasldjkhaldfhakldfhdlafhkbh
asdfhjidfhjasidlhadfuklkaudhfasffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff           fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,olllllllllllllllllllllllllll888888888888888888888888888888888
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I will tell him that I didn't do as well as I could have and that my assignments didn't reflect my best work because I just wanted to get them out of the way so I could get back to the new most important thing in my life---him. That college, which should be a wonderful time of travel, experimentation, forging friendships and really challenging ones self, was put to the back burner. That Daddy couldn't go to bars with his friends after class and mommy couldn't even go to class and had to do the last half of her degree from her living room with a baby hanging off one boob and toys scattered everywhere. Not exactly the college experience we all hope for.

Of course I will tell him that I love him and that I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. Of course I will tell him that he was the greatest surprise ever and that I wouldn't change a thing.

But I will tell him that life would have been easier, just easier, if I had finished school before he came along. I will advise him to really think about it, and let him know that once you have a kid, they're yours forever. You can potentially always become a parent, but you can never go back. You can potentially always become a spouse, but if you do it right, you won't un-become one.

Marriage is hard. I went from living in a house full of girls who came and went as we pleased and paid barely anything in rent because there were so many of us to renting a house with my husband and having to work a lot more to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. There just wasn't time for school, friends, extra-curricular activities. Even now, my husband wants to run for student union,  and he's really going back and forth on it because any time he spends at school is time he's spending away from us.

I wish he could have had a normal college experience. I wish he could have lived with friends and focused on school and activities and just enjoyed himself. I wish that for me too. And *gulp* I wish I'd listened to my parents!

But not really. Because I love my husband and we were at the place in our relationship where it was time to get married. It just was. There was agony involved in every goodbye. We were sick of trying to fit each other in around everything else, of not coming home to one another, of loving each other as much as a couple who is married but living like a couple who is just casually dating. And love is the most important thing of all. And all you need is love. And love conquers all. And what other cliches can I throw into this paragraph in order to make myself sound even more cheesy and unoriginal?

If my son finds that kind of love, if it is agony, if he just can't wait, then I will tell him to go for it. I will warn him, but I will give him my blessing and send him on his way. Just because something is more difficult, or not the ideal way to do things, does not mean that it isn't right.

I love my boys.


1 comments:

givingherallshesgot April 15, 2010 at 10:11 PM  

The hubby and I waited 5 years to get married, all the way through college. I wanted to avoid a Sweet Baboo. We did it, and it worked for us, but looking back I don't know that I'd do it the same. As you said, years of living and loving like we were married, but sleeping apart and maintaining separate residences was a giant pain. I don't ponder it too much, because the past is the past and we're happy now! Loved this post, though.

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