The Most Shocking Rose Ceremony in Writing Prompt History

Today I am participating in Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop, using the following prompt:

"Welcome to the most shocking rose ceremony in writing prompt history. Please award roses to the ten people (or items) in your life that you’d like to continue pursuing a relationship with."

Here Goes:

Canon 30D: Will you accept this rose, you wonderful piece of equipment you? You have changed my life. You have allowed me to take photos of my child's split-second facial expressions without the lag time that my old point and shoot had. I can actually document each second of a sneeze, yawn or laugh, and then click through them like a flip book and watch the entire thing like a movie. It. is. wonderful. No more crying because Baboo was doing something adorable and I "missed it".

Ikea Gulliver: Will you accept this rose? Thank you oh, so much for existing. Thank you for allowing me to sidecar a crib with a bed, so that we crazy, crunchy co-sleepers are no longer all sleeping a top each other like a basket of wiggly puppies. Ah, being able to stretch, being able to roll, being able to actually have my husband stay in bed with me all night instead of packing up and heading for the couch at 3 am because there is.no.space. I *heart* you. A puffy pink heart.

Etsy: Will you accept this rose? You are the provider of handmade goods, and for that I love you. Sure, you have taken a generous chunk out of my savings, but because of you, I have things for my son that none of those mall shoppers have. You are a trove of treasures, like custom wall decals for my son's room, unique, one of a kind jewelry I can't find anywhere else, and this camera bag that I am asking the Hubbs to get me for my birthday.

(Stephie Mc)

                               

(xcessrize)

Shutterfly: Will you accept this rose? You make great quality photo books and will occasionally toss 50 free prints or a free poster my way. For someone who has taken thousands of photos of her baby boy in the six short months of his life, you have been a God-send. My only issue with you is your use of Vividpics. I got some prints back the other day and my sweet Baboo looks like he has a spray-on tan, but ever since I realized I could turn that option off, I have been loving you more than ever.

Crinkle Book: Will you accept this rose? You are such a simple thing, I just threw you in my cart on a whim while shopping for my Sweet Baboo before he was even born. How was I to know you'd be the thing that saved my sanity on many a car ride? The baby loves you. You hang from his carseat and he crinkle, crinkles away. Your built-in teethers have also been a life-saver. Let's make beautiful crinkles together.

                                             

Moby Wrap: Will you accept this rose? You are amazing. I can put my behbeh in you and actually carry him, while having hands to get things done! I can cook! I can clean! I can wipe myself when I pee (don't judge unless you've had a baby who screamed every time he was put down)! More importantly, though, is the fact that you operate as an instant napper. 2 minutes in you and he's out like a light.

                                                       

Bathtub: Will you accept this rose? At the end of each day, when the Hubbs returns home, you are there waiting for me, filled with bubbles and hot wather. You are a place where I can unwind and have half an hour to myself to study, read a magazine or a novel, or to just think. During my pregnancy you were a GODSEND for my aching muscles and back! Now you are the only place I can go for a little "me time." Thanks for being you.

Electric Fireplace: Will you accept this rose? My older than dirt building is heated by a radiator, which my cheap-ass landlor has set to "frigid". Without you, my family and I would surely freeze. Plus, you look classy, and I don't have to have one of those fugly space heaters that also look like fire hazards. One day I swear I will have my own home, with a wood-burning fireplace, but you bring me so much joy in this little apartment of mine. Plus, the landlord may refuse to pay for heat, but this is a utilities included building, and he still has to pay for the electricity! Thanks for helping me stick it to the man!

                                            

                                         

Portable DVD Player: Will you accept this rose? What would I do without you? We have no tv in our bedroom, and you provide entertainment for me when our Baboo doesn't want to nap on his own during the day and needs me to lay beside him while he sleeps. You are also a CD player,  on which I can play ocean sounds for Boo to lull him to sleep at night. And you allow for family entertainment. All three of us can be together in bed, with space for Boo to roll around and play with his toys, and the Hubbs and I can have snuggles and watch a movie.

Internet: Will you accept this rose? You allow me to chat with other moms on message boards during the day when I would otherwise be lonely and have no one to talk to you. You let me read hilarious, insightful and informative blogs when the kiddo is sleeping in my lap and it would be too hard to hold and read a book. You link me to great recipes and let me set up playlists of my favourite music with the click of a button. I think if you stick around there's a chance of you getting the last and final rose. We have an "AMAZING CONNECTION!"