Writers Workshop: Motherhood is another word for Ambivalence

>> Thursday, February 4, 2010

This morning I'm participating in Mama Kat's pretty much world famous writers workshop.


Ten Things I've Learned Since Becoming a Mom:

1. How to ask for help (read: lateral pass my baby to my husband/mother/crazy lady down the street as I run screaming for a bubble bath and a bottle of wine at the end of the day)
2.How to function on next to no sleep. For 6 months straight. And actually enjoy the hallucinations that sleep deprivation brings.

3.How to make dinner while dancing and singing La Cucaracha for the entertainment of my fussy baby, who will ONLY stop crying at the indignity of being imprisoned in his high chair if I'm making a fool out of myself the entire time.

4. How to use a Moby wrap. May not seem like a big deal to you, but when I got that thing as a shower gift, I was like "huh?" And I wrapped myself up in it and got stuck like a female Spiderman who lost control of her own web. And now I can throw it on in public in 5 seconds flat, and people look at me like I'm some kind of Ninja. Which I sorta am. Heh.
5.That it's possible to go a ridonculous amount of time in between having sex, even if no one is cheating or deployed. And that it doesn't mean that you don't love each other.
6. That its possible to lose all interest in shopping for grown up clothes, in grown-up stores, and that retail therapy can be even more therapeutic if the items are miniature and say "I love my mom" on them. (Doesn't hurt that all grown-up clothes in question will eventually just get pee or spit up all over them anyway).
7. It's possible for someone who was formerly against all forms of elective plastic surgery to be putting her "grown up" clothing money away to save for a boob lift.
8. Taking well over a hundred pictures a day can be fascinating, even if they are all of the same subject, when the subject is your Sweet Baboo.
9.It is entirely possible to want to sell your baby to a traveling circus one moment, and miss them like crazy when you finally get a break.
10. I've also realized that this ambivalence will probably follow me throughout the rest of my life.
Happiness that he's crawling will be accompanied by frustration that he's destroying the house. Pride that he's got teeth shadowed by desperation to stop the biting. Amazement that he's starting school will be clouded by pangs when I think about the fact that his teacher gets to spend more time each day with him than I do. And let's not even talk about his high school graduation, moving out of the house, getting married, having children. I'm glad I will have this blog, thousands upon thousands of photos, and lots of memories to look back on when that day comes. He makes me crazy, but I never want him to leave. Ambivalence is the word that most characterizes my new role as a mother. That's something I was very surprised to learn. When it comes to how being a mom makes me feel, I'm torn.

How about you?



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