Momversation Monday: Is Valentines Day Important to You?

>> Monday, February 8, 2010

Today's post is part of the discussion over at Momversation about Valentines Day.

I feel like I got hit in the head by a sledgehammer, I am soooo sick, so I'm going to keep this short and sweet.

On my first Valentines Day with my husband (then boyfriend), I told him I wanted him to plan something and surprise me. Back then he was a pretty insecure guy, and I was his first girlfriend and a little bit scary, so he had no idea what to do and wound up not doing anything. It. rocked. We spent our first Valentines Day parked in a car, up at make-out hill, drinking hot chocolate and listening to music. At one point we got out of the car and slow-danced. He gave me that year's cliche gift--The Notebook, the movie, which had strategically come out on DVD that February--and a pot of daisies, which I LOVED, and which weren't cliche at all. A) They were daisies, a virtual weed and my favourite flower. B) They were potted so they lasted WAY longer than the long-stemmed roses that all the other girls got that year. I was disappointed that he hadn't planned anything, but since it was our first V-day together and I didn't want to show my true colours JUST yet, I pretended I didn't care.

The next year I told him he'd better plan something to make up for the previous year's Valentines Fiasco. I had shown my true colours, he was way more secure with  himself, and we had a super fun but decidedly unromantic time. We went to the Mongolian Grill, where we were the only people there because everyone else was somewhere super-fancy. We shot pool, played arcade games and mini-golfed at a sports bar. We took our traditional hot chocolate drive up to make-out hill and talked and listened to music. He got me blue roses, a box of chocolates, and "our" movie Guess Who, about a black girl who brings home a white boy.

After that, the details get hazy. I guess that's how it gets over time, things just don't matter as much once you've been together forever and you know you're loved. Things become routine, and that's okay, because I can still spout off a list of wonderfully romantic things that my husband has done for me over the years, and wonderfully romantic times that we've had, and they don't all have to be consolidated to one arbitrary day.

Last year was our last Valentines Day as a couple without kids. We wanted to badly to go out with a bang, but as we were broker than broke, we spent the day cuddling in bed, drinking cheap wine with cheese, listening to music by candlelight, and watching chick flicks. It was disappointing. It was blissful.

Last year we toasted to "next Valentine's Day", because we'd asked my mom to baby-sit for us. We booked the date a full year in advance. We just knew things would be better this year, and they are. We planned a fancy dinner, maybe a movie or a play, and most of all what we knew would be some much-needed time to ourselves.

Except that, just like on our anniversary, my mother is in the psychiatric ward again. I will spend my Valentines Day with my husband and son, which isn't the worst way I can think of to spend it. I will pray that God will make my mother better. Mostly because I love her and I want to see her overcome this. Partially because I miss having a mom I can call on for help.

I am so sick right now, and tomorrow my husband will be at school for twelve hours straight. I will be at home alone with my baby and no one to help me. I need my mother. I need to be able to call someone to baby-sit, or for recipe help, and I need to know that there is someone out there in the world who loves me as much as I love my son and who will be THERE for me when things go wrong. This is selfish. I know this. It should be all about her, not me. I am acting like a child, but maybe when it comes to your own mother you never really grow up.

Is Valentines Day important to me? Yes. But for now it will have to take a backseat to other things, like getting better, taking care of my baby, and schlepping my son back and forth from the psych ward three towns over.

Is Valentines Day important to you? What are your plans?



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