>> Saturday, September 12, 2009

FINALLY my sweet, sweet Baboo is asleep in his bassinet.( I'm so tired. Which has pretty much been a constant condition since my second trimester.) We FINALLY got him to sleep after 7 hours of trying. True story.

He's been pretty sensitive today too, which can be expected since he didn't nap for so long. Well, he'd drift off for five minutes here, ten minutes there, but that's all. Thankfully, he's ONLY been sensitive and not inconsolable. He'd be smiling and kicking and having a good time, and then all of a sudden burst into tears. Very strange. We tried walking around with him, snuggling him, putting him in a sling, letting him lie down by himself, feeding hi, burping him, changing him, white noise, swaddling, soother--he just would NOT stay asleep. It's so sad too, because by the end he was like a zombie. His eyes were huge but you could tell he was totally zoned out and miserable because he needed to sleep, but just couldn't.

At around 9:30 I had a nice, warm bath with him and sang him Lullaby by the Dixie Chicks. He was much calmer after that. The massage, Beatles Lullaby CD,  swaddle, Good Night Moon, cuddle bassinet. None of that touchy feely junk worked, so in the end we drugged him. I *heart* infant Motrin.

Just kidding. (Or am I?)
No, I am. Kidding, I mean.

Anyway, before all the non-napping action, today was actually pretty great. A friend came from out of town to visit for a couple of days and today we all walked down to the beach together--hubby wore Baboo on the way there, and I wore him on the way back. We took pictures in front of the water, had a picnic, watched a wind surfer and flew kites! It was awesome! I love the beach, and I've never flown a kite before that I can remember. Plus it was Baboo's first trip to the beach, though he slept through most of it. The one thing I regret is that we were going to get a picture of his little feet in the sand, but we forgot. He wouldn't have been happy to be taken out of the Snugli anyway, I guess. Hubby and I are going to take him back there again before it gets cold and try to get awake beach pictures with him. Here are some of the ones we did take, though.

It was really great having a friend here from my life before I became a wife and mom. It was just a reminder that there's more to me than the role I play within the four walls of this apartment. So far being a stay at home mom has been more challenging than I thought it would be in some ways. For instance, some days we don't even leave the house. I kind of thought it would be like when I was a nanny, except there are some very crucial differences:

I was not sleep-deprived as a nanny.
At the end of the day I got to go home and have a life. I went on dates, had weekends to myself, and was able to make a meal or read a book uninterrupted.
There was no breastfeeding involved in nannying. I'm so grateful to be able to breastfeed and make enough milk for my kid. Really, really grateful. And I'd say I enjoy at least a couple feedings each day. It's just that he eats so much. For so long. Sometimes it's just like, "Seriously? Can I have my boob back now? No?"
Also, the kids I took care of were older. I think that's the biggest thing. I love my son, don't get me wrong, but I'm really looking forward to being able to run around with him on the playground, answer him when he asks me "why" a million times a day, and really get to know his thoughts and feelings on things. Right now he's kind of a sleeping, eating, pooping, smiling, crying mystery to me. A wonderful mystery, but mysterious nonetheless.

One thing I'm really looking forward to is joining some moms groups. Fall programs at the Y start in a few weeks, and I can't wait. In my area there are free mom and baby programs like Mommy and Baby Yoga, Strollercize, Infant Massage, Making Baby Food, Musical Babies, Read With Me. . .I could go on and on LoL. I'm just really excited to meet other mothers and be able to get out of the house. Books and Bounces starts at the library this month, and since it's within walking distance I think that'll be our first program. I'm super excited about it.

URGH! Are you serious!? He's awake again! I'll have to finish this later.


Two days later, and I've finally found the time to finish this post. Last night he fought going down in his bassinet as well. We'd put him to sleep, he'd sleep for five minutes, then his eyes would pop open and he'd have a big smile on his face and want to play. His smile is really irresistible, and we're weak parents who give in. But look at this:

Who could resist that?
When my friend was here we were talking about parenting philosophies, and I explained that we are attachment parenting. She found this fascinating since her brother and sister-in-law just had a baby, and their philosophy is pretty much the opposite of ours. They are very scheduled and have been training the baby since day one. Apparently it was hell for two weeks when instead of feeding on demand they only fed him every three hours, etc, and whenever he's not eating he's sleeping.
I'm not here to bash anyone else's parenting styles, but I definitely don't have the nerves of steel required to allow my baby to scream for food so that I can get him on a schedule. Their baby is already sleeping through the night, and I openly admit that I'm jealous, but allowing such a tiny baby to cry it out just isn't something I'm willing to do. They would argue that they're all happier now, that it was just for a short time and that its best for their child in the long run. Maybe they're right, who knows?
All I know is that an infant's cry is designed by nature to illicit a strong response from his parents. As a mom I just do what comes naturally, and I feel good about that. For me, that means responding when he cries, feeding him when he's hungry, and holding him pretty much 24/7 because I know that soon he'll be super active and I'll barely get to hold him at all. I love napping with him. I dont get much done around the house because of this, but I figure I can clean when he's in kindergarten. I'm really enjoying bonding with him right now.
I'm not saying those other parents are not bonding with their baby. . .but what I will say is this. According to my friend, their baby does not smile. She was amazed at my sons big smiles. According to her, he does not laugh. Baboo doesn't laugh like "ha ha ha", but he chuckles with a HUGE smile on his face. Their son doesn't play--if he's not eating he's sleeping. Their son doesn't cry just because he wants to be held--he doesn't demand cuddles, and cuddling doesn't soothe him. This may or may not have anything to do with their parenting style. It could just be his personality. All I can say is I love my happy, snuggly baby and even though he's up at night, I cherish those moments. I'm not just saying that. I really, really do. Last night while he was nursing I just stared at him with tears in my eyes, the lyrics from "It Won't Be Like This For Long" (see playlist) running through my head.
Some day that little boy's gonna be all grown up and gone.
I'm holding him tight as I write this. I'm holding him for as long as he'll let me.



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