To my husband, on his twenty-fith birthday

>> Thursday, March 25, 2010

100 Reasons Why I Love You (let me count the ways. . .)

1. Your mouth
2.Your eyes
3.Your nose
4.Your smattering of freckles
5.Your wavy mess of curly curls
6.Your laugh
7.Your sense of humour
8.Your paternal instincts
9. Your massages
10.Your smile
11.Your empathy
12.Your lack of judgment for others
13.The fact that you let me buy any camera equipment that we can afford
14. The fact that you searched Ebay tirelessly for a month before Christmas until you found my new DSLR for under $200
15. Your willingness to help me keep Baboo still while I torture him by taking 100 photos
16. Your loyalty
17. Your respect for others
18. How much you love your son
19. Your playful nature
20. Your concern for the earth
21. Your passionate pursuit of knowledge
22. How much you value education
23. How far you've come in your self-confidence since we met
24. Your love of dogs
25. Your love for the mountains
26. Your willingness to tolerate beach vacations for me
27. Your inherent sense of direction
28. Your confidence in me
29. Always giving others the benefit of the doubt
30. Not minding if the neighbours are loud as long as they're having fun
31. Your willingness to take bathroom breaks for me every half an hour because I pee like a racehorse
32. The fact that you don't complain too much when I want to spend all day at the mall
33. Your aspirations
34. Your willingness to change diapers
35. The way that you make Baboo laugh like no one else can
36. Your fascination with squirrels
37. Your physical strength
38. Your emotional strength
39. Your open mind
40. Your passionate consumption of slurpees and Oreos
41. Your faith
42. The way you think before you speak
43. How carefully you drive
44. Your politeness to strangers
45. Your generosity
46. Your hugs
47. Your kisses
48. Your artistic talent
49. Your talent as a writer
50. Your attention to detail
51. The fact that you think I'm beautiful with no make-up and grubby clothes
52. How supportive you were when I was woefully overdue
53.The fact that you gave me daily massages when I was pregnant
54. The fact that you cried when you saw our son on the ultrasound machine for the first time
55. The fact that you want to adopt our next child and give someone a home who would otherwise not have one
56. The fact that you think I look good with my hair natural (and afro-like)
57. Your punctuality
58. Your love of art
59. Your friendship
60. Your lack of superficiality
61. Your willingness to wear Our Sweet Baboo when we're out and challenge stereotypes
62. The fact that you want to celebrate International Women's Day instead of Valentines Day
63.  The fact that you are taking a Women's Studies Class
64. The fact that you like angry feminist music
65. How good you've become financially
66. Your intelligence
67. Your creativity
68. Your willingness to watch bad tv with me
69. Your willingness to buy me bad tv on DVD because we don't have cable
70. The fact that you watch Our Sweet Baboo every morning for a couple hours so I can sleep in
71. How affectionate you are
72. How proud you are of our kid
73. Your desire to see the world
74. Your passion for human rights
75. How much you help out around the house
76. The fact that you're the first to notice if we're almost out of diapers
77. The fact that you make most of the bottles
78. How supportive you are of my breastfeeding, especially in those early days when it was really tough
79. The fact that you don't mind me breastfeeding in public and don't care if I don't cover up
80. Your consideration for the feelings of others
81. Your willingness to try exotic foods
82. How quick you are to apologize
83. The fact that you appreciate literature
84. The fact that you realize that our son is his own a person with a personality and feelings of his own, and that you want to nurture, not stifle that (even when he makes us want to scream)
85. Your self-sacrificing nature
86. You're a good cook
87. You're romantic
88. How much our sweet Baboo loves you
89. Your friendliness despite your shyness
90. The way you put others at ease
91. The fact that you support my compulsive need to buy every childrens' book that's on sale for our baby
92. The fact that you watch Baboo several times a week so I can take a bubble bath and read
93. How excited you get when the new episode of LOST is posted
94. How excited you get when watching trailers of a videogame you're excited about
95. Your work-ethic
96. The fact that you'd rather walk than drive
97. The fact that you are a technical wizard
98. How handy you are around the house
99. The fact that you are not afraid to cry.
100. The fact that you are the best husband I could ask for, and best possible father to our son.

Thanks for being you. We love you. Happy Twenty-Fifth!


I wanna be MADE

Today I'm participating in Mama's Losin' It's writers workshop.

The question is, if I could be made into anything, what would it be?


I want to be a supermom, superwife, superwoman.
I want to be a bohemian homemaker, who makes all her own cleaning supplies and cooks wholesome, organic meals from scratch and sews and knits adorable outfits for her child.
I want to be a creative genuis, who produces cutting-edge photography, paints like picasso, and dances like a dream, whose fingers glide over guitar strings and manipulate music like magic.

I want to look like I'm wearing make up when my face is really naked.
I want to be the kind of person who wants to run a marathon.
I want to be patient and soft-spoken and never raise my voice,
to not be driven to the edge of crazy by a child who is rarely quiet and
rarely calm, but often curious and always cute.

I want to be the kind of wife who cleans the cluttered kitchen,
says "How was your day" with a martini on a tray and an apron around her waist,
to prevent drips on her skirt and never trips over her heels.

Or maybe I just want to be the best me I can be.
The me who will likely never run a 5K,
but takes long, quiet hikes on hot summer days.

The me who occasionally loses it,
but always loves and will never leave.

The me who on some days accomplishes nothing,
but every night thanks God for giving her everything.


Bring on the sun!

>> Wednesday, March 17, 2010

For the past three days, we have gone for walks. Outside. Without coats. Spring is definitely here. The world is beautiful again, and I am feeling a strange mix of nostalgia and anticipation. I want to be outside all the time. I love opening the windows and listening to the birds chirping and the neighbourhood kids playing.

I am so excited to take walks through the nature preserve, and head down to the playground by the lake. There is sand there. And concession stands. And a LOT of slides and swings and jungle gyms for my little guy to play on. I can't wait to dip his feet in the water for the first time, and see the look on his face the first time he feels the sand on his little toes.

Can't wait. And because he is so big and hefty now, and we plan on doing a LOT of outdoorsy stuff this summer, we ordered an ergo last night, and it shipped today. Yay!

I am going to miss the snuggly closeness of the moby wrap, but he's just getting too heavy, and it's time to move on.

I can't wait to take Our Sweet Baboo to the petting zoo, the Metro Toronto Zoo, berry picking, the pool, the fair, the farmers market, Niagara Falls, just about every summer activity out there. And I fully plan on letting him try cotton candy and ice cream and all the crap that good mothers don't let their kids eat. Because I plan on eating it myself, and nobody likes a hypocrite.

But yes, even with all the excitement of really being able to share this summer with a one-year-old (eek!), I'm feeling a little nostalgic for the things that summer used to represent. Like staying out really late at bonfires on the beach, drinking hard lemonade and playing guitar.

Going on Vacation. We may camp this summer or next, but it'll be awhile before we're able to afford a "real" vacation again. You gotta be financially responsible when you have a kiddo.

Or laying in a hammock all day, intermittently flipping through a novel and napping. (My kid is a handful. No relaxation for me.)

Of course it's totally not necessary to throw in the cliche that I wouldn't trade my kid for any of that stuff. Of course I wouldn't, none of us would, we love our little guys and gals. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't REALLY looking forward to when he finally starts sleeping through the night and I can leave him with a sitter, get a hotel room with a late check out, and escape with the Hubbs for 24 hours.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish we could afford a baby AND a vacation. Or that I didn't wish my husband wasn't going to be in school all summer, leaving me to contend with our son while he studies by day and attends classes by night. Who doesn't want to have it all? Or at least, most of it?

But in spite of what we don't have and can't do, there's plenty that we DO have and CAN do! Its going to be a wonderful summer, the almost-perfect wrap up to our son's first year. I can't wait. Bring on the sun!


Life in the Mad House

>> Tuesday, March 9, 2010

So that was quite the long hiatus I took there. Things have been MAD, I tell you! MAD! We were all incredibly sick, then the hubbs had a huge project due so all my free time was spent watching Baboo so the Hubbs could do schoolwork. Then MY huge project was due, so all my free time was spent working on that while the Hubbs watched Baboo. A lot has been going on.

My mom is out of the hospital and back at home. She is really depressed and her personality has changed a lot. I would be depressed too. She's married to a jerk, has severe financial problems, lives in chronic pain, has been getting screwed around for her settlement date from the accident for years now. I would be enough to make anyone depressed, I think. It's just that its hard to be around her when she's like that. For instance, last week I REALLY needed to be working on my project, but she called to tell me that she was going to be home by herself all day. I know she gets really anxious and lonely when she's alone, so I offered to go over and keep her company (though I'd have to do my research the entire time). So I rushed over there and just hung out and worked while she napped. I threw in a load of laundry for her, took a break from my studies to go for a walk with her because it was beautiful out and I wanted her to get some sun and fresh air. Then when it was time for me to go, she kept trying to guilt me into staying.

"I don't want you to go."
"I hate being here by myself."
"I wish you could stay."

Well, I can't. I have a son and a husband and an apartment and responsibilities, and I put everything aside for you today but now I have to go. Just thank me for coming over and say good-bye. It makes me not want to visit, knowing she'll be like that when I have to leave. She is just not herself and I hate that she's so depressed.

Speaking of crazy family, the in-laws were here last weekend. The in-laws that we haven't seen since we moved across the country two years ago to get away from them, and didn't speak to at all until after Baboo was born.

It actually went surprisingly well. They just came for three days, which was great. Baboo liked them. They brought lots of gifts for him. We made them a video-montage of their visit and gave it to them on the day they left. They want us to visit this summer. We can't afford it. We can't borrow any money from them because that just really complicates things. We made that mistake in the past and won't do it again, though they offered to pay to fly us out there. Now they're offering us their airmiles points. I don't feel super comfortable with the idea, but we'll see.

I have been taking a photo a day since January 1st, and it's been a challenge at times. Somedays its just a crappy snapshot, but I'm no perfectionist. On Friday I'm going to see my cousin's new daughter, and I'll also be taking some photos. I'm pretty nervous about it. I hope it goes well.

That's all for now!



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